Not A Monster
by Raiden Miosaki
Summary: What would you do if no one had any hope in you whatsoever? If everyone feared you? Hated you? Russia lives in this kind of hell everyday, unknowing if he'll ever escape. What happens when he snaps? Who lives and who dies?


A/N: Okay, so. This is a one-shot I tried. Russia is Snapped! Russia. I do not think Russia is a bad guy, in fact, I hate when people say he's evil, or that you should cower in fear of him. I think honestly Russia just needs some love. He's misunderstood, and the way people treat him really hurts him. So, before you think I'm hating on Russia with this story, I'm not. I'm too in love with him for that. . Umm..please please review? Thanks!

Those voices inside my head, taunting me with that shrill voice I just couldn't escape. The words slurred, leaving a mark, piercing deeper and deeper into my head as it continued to chant the same old thing.

_You're a monster…  
Good for nothing…  
It was a mistake, __**you **__were a mistake…  
Everyone's afraid of you, do you see the fear in their eyes? _

At first I denied it, it wasn't true.  
Pfft. The stupid lies that I continued to tell myself? Why was I even trying?  
It was the reality I lived in. I saw the fear in Britain's eyes when he looked at me, China's, even America, or France.

They were all afraid.

It was the only reason I was still in the meetings, was because they feared what I would do to them if they threw me out.  
It wasn't fair… I didn't feel like a monster before, but the more I thought about it, the more I looked around, I actually felt the world crumbling around me, bowing before me as if I was some creature everyone was afraid to displease.

I found myself alone, in a room, the light shone from the windows, bouncing around off each other, it was actually a pretty sight when you thought about it. Almost no one else had the time to look around and respect the world we walked around on.

I realized, I was crying. Yes, the monster, the creature, the loner was crying.  
I didn't want to be alone anymore. I didn't mean to scare others off, I didn't.  
The knife in my hand, I realized, I'd been clinging to it for the past 10 minutes.

So hard, my hands had become numb. My fist clenched around it just the slightest bit tighter.

I raised it to my arm. The voices rung through my head, freshly.  
_MONSTER. BURDEN. FAILURE._

They didn't need me anymore.

Shakily, the knife touched my arm, the tip was so cool, so hard, so sharp… it felt….good.  
It cut through my skin like butter, I had to work hard not to lose control of how deep it was cutting.

"Monster, failure, burden, useless…" I chanted to myself, I was on the brink of pure laughter.  
This was the best I'd felt in weeks, months, even years.  
Maybe it was because I deserved this in the first place. It's what everyone wanted, and who was I to deny them?  
I cut deeper, blood was hitting the carpet.  
It flowed slowly down my arm, dripping, it looked like wine, but instead, it was blood. It smelled of metal.  
Wonderful, tasteful, colorful, blood…  
_My _ blood.

I needed more…

"Russia! What's the matter, are you all ri—"  
At that moment Britain caught me in my act. He rushed to me.  
He sounded desperate, but all the tiny little bits of humanity that I might have had left were gone.  
I had no sympathy for Britain.

This wasn't my fault.  
It hit me harder than even my own knife did.  
This was their fault not mine, they marked me as a monster.  
They wouldn't give me a chance!

I stopped Britain in mid sentence.  
I grabbed him by the neck, and pinned him against the wall, hard.  
_Drip…drip…drip. _

That red, wonderful blood of mine dripped right onto Britain's face, as he struggled, wide eyed.  
"R-Russia!?" He choked.

I took my knife, and I cut right across this forehead with my one free hand.

"Feel the pain you made me feel…" I growled.

Britain's expression was totally shocked, scared, hurt.

That face, that would usually make me feel sorry, and apologize…  
No, it just made me tighten my grip on his throat.

He slowly started to die, the life slowly draining from his body, as I basically crushed it right out of him.

"I am _not _a monster!" I shouted.  
"I'm not, I'm not!"

Britain's eyes fluttered shut, and blood flowed from his mouth, as I laughed.  
I didn't just thirst for my own blood, I thirsted for everyone's.  
We all deserved to die!  
All of us did!

Suddenly, a gunshot fired, and just barely missed me.  
I wish it hadn't missed…

I turned back to see France, with a determined face staring at me, shakily holding a pistol.

"Let him go, mon ami! He's dying! He's had enough!" He was shouting, he seemed enraged.

That gun… I eyed it. I couldn't see anything else.  
The blood…the gore…the pain it would cause. I wanted more than anything to be the holder of that gun.

I roughly tossed Britain aside, to the ground.

As soon as Britain's cold body hit the floor, France ran to his side, quickly kneeling, and feeling his pulse.

That pain…it crossed his face as he looked at Britain.  
It was mental pain. The mental pain they'd all caused me.  
Maybe now those shrill voices were taunting _him _now.

His expression was afraid. Pure fright, as he desperately felt for a pulse, and tried CPR.  
It was too late, the damage…it was already done.

Britain was either dead, or hanging by a little thread.

"Y-you…"  
France, "The strongest of all" according to himself...  
His voice was shaking.

"You sick bastard, he's dead! Do you even know what you're doing!?"

The amusement that had kept him alive for the past two minutes faded when the words "sick bastard" left his lips.

I felt as if fire filled my head, burning all the little senses around me telling me to stop.  
I wouldn't stop.  
I couldn't stop.

I kicked France to the ground, hard, and quickly, before he could react I slit his throat.

"I am not a sick bastard! I'm not a monster! I'm not! I'm not!" I shouted, louder than I was even before.

And even though he was already dead, I stabbed him, over and over. I didn't stop until France's blood was spread all over the carpet, around his body. It slipped under Britain's cold body as well.

I stabbed another time, and then I kicked him.

"I-I'm not…"  
Tears were streaming down my face again.

I looked down at my own arm, it was still dripping blood, and adding to the blood that surrounded the bodies of the men who I'd once called my friends.

I ripped the blood covered pistol from France's hand, and took it for myself.

All this…  
It wasn't enough.

I went back out through the door.

My feet hit the floor, as I walked quickly down the halls.  
How long would it be before the rest of the allies discovered their two deceased friends on the ground?  
How would they react…  
I'd kill them all.

That was the only way.

America started to pass by me in the hall, and before he could even ask about the blood on my hands and clothes, I pointed the gun to his chest.

"Whoa, dude, calm down!" He shouted, alarmed.  
I didn't.  
I shot him.  
3 times.

He fell on the ground, dead.  
My hand was shaking now even harder than before.  
Before I had a chance to think about what was going on, a tear-filled scared voice, stopped me.

"Russia!?" China's small voice screamed, horrified, and full of tears.  
"Mr. America…he…what did you do to him, aru?"

His hand was over his mouth, and his eyes were wide with fear.

_Monster…  
How can you live with yourself?  
_The voices were back.

"I'm not a monster!" I shouted again, and with that, I lost it completely again, and I started to shout it, continually.

"I'm not a monster, I'm not! I'm not a monster!"

I was still crying.  
Why was I crying?

I looked over to China, who looked nearly traumatized.

"I-I know, you're not a monster, aru…" He was sobbing.

I ignored his words, and I pointed the gun to him.  
My last bullet. I'd use it to put a bullet through his useless body.

He was a waste of space.

"Russia, aru!" He was screaming, his voice ringing out with sobs.  
"You're not a monster! You're amazing, and kind, I love you, aru!"

The words took a moment to sink in.  
And by then, it was too late.  
I pulled the trigger.

_BANG._

Suddenly, I was ashamed, brought back to reality.  
Britain, France, America, those men had been my friends, and now all three of them, were on the ground, dead.

China's face was shocked, and my eyes widened.

"C-China!" I cried.

He stood there shocked for a moment, and then he fell down, hard.

I grabbed him, and caught him, and I held him in my arms.

"China, I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" I cried.

I loved him! The only person that I'd ever loved this way, the only one who'd actually said those words: "I love you" to me, was now lying in my arms, cold and bleeding.

I looked for where the bullet hit.  
Right through the stomach.  
At close range.

I thought I'd been crying then. Back then, I'd been crying for myself. I was selfish. I was stupid, I'd even continually lied to myself.  
I _was _ a monster.  
I was!

China, he was...

His blood was spilling into my hands, as I held him close to me.

"China!?" I screamed.  
Now, I was no longer crying for myself.  
I was crying for my friends.

Britain, his death had been painful.  
France…he'd just wanted to protect him…  
America, he didn't even get to protect that much before I pulled the trigger.

"I-I'm here, aru…" China finally responded to me, finally. His voice was soft, barely there, a whisper. Weak.

"I'm so sorry!" I cried.  
My eyes were wide.

"I didn't mean to, I'm a monster! Please! Just don't die!"

A small smile crossed China's face.  
A cold sweat formed on his face, and streamed down.

"Y-you're not a monster…y-you're amazing… aru…" He could barely keep his eyes open.

I shook my head.

"China, I—"  
I cut myself off, what could I say to him? I loved him! I loved him so much, and he was laying down in my arms, dying slowly. Painfully.

"I love you too, please live! I'm begging you just stay with me for a little longer! I don't want to feel alone anymore!"

China closed his eyes and smiled.

"I-I should… be fine, aru.."

The sound of dripping blood, it was haunting me now, I didn't like it. It was my best friend's blood hitting the floor, it was almost as shrill as the voices.

"I-I…never feared you…" China said.  
"I-I a-always… I…always loved…you, aru…"

I shook my head again.  
"China, hold on!"  
"W-wait… aru…" He said.  
"Come closer."  
I listened, my face tear stained.

As soon as I was close enough, he kissed me very softly, weakly.  
His cold and shaking hand inched it's way right into mine.

The kiss only lasted a few seconds.

Afterwards, he was still. Cold.

My hands were trembling, my entire _body _ was trembling.

I tasted blood. It wasn't my own, it was China's, it had been oozing from his mouth.

"C-China…?" I asked.  
No answer.

I hugged his small frail dying body tightly, with my strong arms.

He lied there, limply.

"C-China, please…?" I begged.

No answer.  
Nothing but dead silence...

_  
_


End file.
